I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
