Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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