that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
