there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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