Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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