and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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