Moan for me like Helen Keller
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
