A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
