I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
