How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
