I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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