So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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