Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
