Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
