She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
