u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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