i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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