on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
