Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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