remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize