you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well I just put wine in my tea
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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