I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You ruined the universe
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
