I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
