Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
