I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
