i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
