i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
