I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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