i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
