help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
