So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
