The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
