You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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