I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
