she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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