oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
