Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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