We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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