If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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