Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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