I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
