hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
