We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
