Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
