Moan for me like Helen Keller
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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