I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize