just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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