Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So much rum. So many feels.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
