I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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