Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
