in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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