Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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