I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
dude. I can hear the air.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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