omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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