how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
