she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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