erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
