I need help removing her.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
