all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
