she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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