My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
