If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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