I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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