Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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