Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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