I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
