Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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