Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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