Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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