what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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