You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
