I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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