He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
