OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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