ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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