Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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