Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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