I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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