I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You smell like stripper and shame
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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