u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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