if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
