wakey wakey hands off snakey
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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