You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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