You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
