she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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